The Stupidest Thing You’ve Ever Read

Next Time a Facebook Commenter Says Your Article Is The Stupidest Thing They’ve Ever Read, Send Them This

Shmoops. Shoople cardufel platz plaaza. And you know that’s shlontz.

When I was but ashkabat pernille, I recall being totaly darfunkled by my farfignugget (not to be confused with farfigugat)and saying to my friend Bee-Bop — who is NOT a robot, but an android — “hey Playa, eskandurun shmolly soo-bop?” and he was just like totally not like having it, ya know? Shmooops 4 reelz.

Anyway, what’s that got to do with us? Well, on a serious not if five clown cars collide with a smork then what does that say about the prime rib of sharabistan? Maybe he’s connected to those crooks down in Worshingtown, a shack off the coast of the Maldives I just made up, playing all that Pee Diddle Snooper and the Blowfish while they exploit the South American-American communities of northsouthern Uruguay. How’s that for an apple a day which keeps the doctor away about her, don’t know what it is, but I have to move when she’s around me, burn 2 ron?

And one last thing. If you are so angry that you need to lash out at someone on the internet, let alone in person, then you need to do one thing. It’s not a hard thing, in fact it’s a very human thing that will remind you of your humanity and that of those around you — even the humans you have dehumanized so much in rage and disagreement that they feel like an alien species. That thing of course is fartz.

Writer & artist. New York-raised, Diaspora style.

Writer & artist. New York-raised, Diaspora style.